We Don't Have Any Money: Money Matter for Preschoolers

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013 Author, Speaker, Educator

"Mommy, I want candy."

"We don't have money for that," I state matter of factly. I continue adding items from my 
shopping list to the grocery cart.

"I want donuts. Pleassssse," my three-year-old daughter begs.

"We don't have any money," I explain once again.  "Count three cans of corn for mommy. That's right, you found three cans from our shopping list." After several more times of telling my daughter we don't have any money, we finally finish our grocery list and approach the checkout stand. The clerk scans all the items and summarizes, "That will be $28.35."

"My mom doesn't have any money," my daughter quickly tells her.

My face reddens with embarrassment. The kind clerk informs her, "That's okay. I don't have any money either," and smiles at me.

Of course my child thinks I don't have any money to buy groceries. How many times did I say that to her? What I neglected to explain to my three-year-old is that we have money for what we NEED, but not always for extra things that we WANT.

So began our new campaign at home. When Kristen saw something she wanted, my husband and I started explaining the difference between a need and a want.  For example, "It would be really fun to have ..... Let's put it on your want list for the future." If it was something she needed, we clarified, "Yes, you're right. You need new shoes. Your old shoes are too small."

                By the time our daughters were in early elementary school, they could accurately identify the difference between a need and a want. God always provides for our needs. And many times He blesses us with our wants. In the grocery store that day, I learned a key component of money management. We must teach our children the difference between a need and a want. It is a basic principle of training children about money. Do you know the difference? What about your children? Do they know the difference? Today's a perfect day for teaching this concept.

Coming Soon: Money Matters for Kindergartners to Third Grade - Share, Save, Spend

Adapting Christmas Traditions to Adolescent Friendly Traditions, Part 2

Adapting Christmas Traditions to Adolescent Friendly Traditions, Part 2

© Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D., 2012

Author, Speaker, Educator

The other day at the mall, before I retreated towards the ladies bathroom for a pity party, my thirteen-year-old son and twelve-year-old daughter insisted on changing some Christmas traditions. It was quite a shock. They both know how important holiday celebrations are in this family.

 I've been pondering and I think I've got it. The kids, I guess they're not kids, but I can't quite say it, very young adolescents, already gave up sitting on Santa's lap. We're not celebrating Happy Birthday Jesus parties anymore. I can't snap photos in front of the tree on Christmas morning in their pajamas just before opening stockings from Santa. I noticed that they left "stockings from Santa" on the list. Since they don't believe in Santa anymore, maybe I'll remove that one myself. "No stockings from Santa" - delete. "That felt good," I claim.

            Since I promised I'd listen to my kid's input, listed below are child-friendly Christmas traditions we've celebrated and how we've adapted them for adolescent-friendly traditions. Change is really difficult for me because I love all our family traditions. So why am I going to all this trouble? It's simple. I want my adolescents to hold onto our Christian beliefs, and learn that how we practice our traditions can be modified. These new age-appropriate traditions can assist them in expressing that Christ is Lord of their life. How could a mother refuse?

Family Traditions	Child-Friendly Traditions	Adolescent-Friendly Traditions
Happy Birthday Jesus Party	Happy Birthday Jesus Birthday invitations are handmade or computer generated by children. Neighborhood children are asked to donate canned food "gifts" for the Angel Tree Project (families with incarcerated parent). During the party, read the Christmas story from the most age-appropriate book, sing Happy Birthday to Jesus, serve birthday cake, and play fun Christmas games.	Our early adolescents enjoy going door-to-door in the neighborhood collecting canned food as we tag along. They quickly discover they obtain more food than at the party. Bring along several double-bagged grocery bags. Finally, we deliver the groceries to our churches' Angel Tree Project. Note: Teens must be willing to articulate who food is for, i.e.: gospel mission, needy families, Angel Tree Project, etc.

New Christmas Ornaments "Where did the years go?"	Beginning when each baby is born, purchase an ornament that is representative of the year. As ornaments are added, create a list for each child with the year, ornament, and who it's from. Store each child's ornaments in separate boxes. As children decorate the tree with their own ornaments, you can hear them recall, "Oh, I remember this one. That's the year I visited Grandmother in Kansas." These ornaments become family heirlooms when they move away, so buy yourself a new ornament or two every year or your tree will be empty along with your empty nest.	As your children get older, they can select their own special ornament. They'll have more life events to choose from, so help them recall some highlights. Some ideas include: 6th grade camp, babysitting, awards, sports teams, vacations, missions trip, or getting a driver's license. With the increasing price of ornaments, you may need to create a budget. Some adolescents can spend months hunting for the ideal ornament, especially with Christmas decorations displayed in July.
Christmas Cards & Letters	Some years we send a Christmas card, photo, and/or family letter that recounts God's blessings and highlights each family member. When purchasing cards, try selecting religious cards or cards from an organization you support.	Let your adolescents choose their own photo(s) for the card. Save time and ask them to create the family card. To avoid adolescent embarrassment, invite them to write their own section for the family's letter. Give them a word count and due date.
The Hallmark Christmas Tree	My mother let us decorate our tree, but later she'd move the ornaments where she wanted them. She didn't think we noticed, but we did. Decide early on what's more important: the perfect tree or time together creating happy memories. If you treasure your "Hallmark" tree, provide a small tree for the children to decorate.	"What do you mean you don't want to get the Christmas tree this year?" Oh yeah, my adolescents want to include their friends. Encourage your kids to invite a friend or two to traipse along with the family. After choosing the perfect tree, let the young people decorate it, lights and all. Hang around while serving hot chocolate & treats. No, it won't be your Hallmark tree; it may be more interesting and definitely more memorable.
Photos with Santa & Gift for Needy Child Note: If your family does not include Santa in your celebrations, follow the gift-giving part.	Dressed in new Christmas outfits, take pictures with Santa at the mall. Next, choose a child's name tag from the Soroptimist's Community Christmas tree for a needy child or teen. Use the money saved from recycling cans for purchasing the gift. Then children scour the mall for the best present. Finally, proudly return the perfect donation to the tree for wrapping.	Let your adolescents choose someone or an organization to help at Christmas. Maybe they know a family who needs food, a bed with a mattress, Christmas tree & decorations, or gifts for their children. Maybe they'd rather choose an organization their passionate about helping. They can still use the money from recycling. If the budget comes up short, planning how to earn the money or collecting donations becomes part of the project.
Coats for Kids	As children outgrow their coats each year, we donate them to Coats for Kids. Many different organizations sponsor this type o event such as firefighters or local news channels. Coats are typically distributed in January.	Adolescents can donate their outgrown coats and outerwear too. Additionally, they can collect coats from friends or youth groups to donate.
Sharing Clothes, Toys, Household Items	In anticipation of new clothes and toys for Christmas, supervise children cleaning out their closets, dressers, and toy boxes. Select items they no longer use or  fit. These items are shared with a younger sibling or given to someone else. Children can go through their belongings after Christmas during their school break. Since children learn from role modeling, this is a perfect time for parents to choose items to donate as well.	You'll notice that adolescents go through growth spurts just like when they were younger. Some years they'll have more to share than other years. They could donate video games, DVDs, and CDs. Let your adolescents choose the recipients. Our daughters know younger girls who love getting a "new to me" wardrobe and new games. The items might be donated to a family who's recently experienced a disaster, such as a fire.

Live Nativity and The Journey to Bethlehem	Young children learn best through experiences. The story of Jesus' birth is no exception. Find a church that performs an outdoor live nativity. As children get older, find one that also offers a short narration. Bundling up in warm clothes with hot chocolate makes this a treasured memory and valuable way for learning the true Christmas story.	Adolescents can tire of the live nativity and may find more joy in bothering the animals. Perhaps they can become a live nativity performer or handle the manger animals. Many communities offer a more in-depth experience during The Journey to Bethlehem. Stops along the journey tell the story in an engaging manner. Encourage adolescents to invite friends so they'll visit during the long wait in lines. The lines and later evening times make this experience better suited for adolescents. Check your local newspapers or online early in the season for dates and times.
Christmas Morning Pics	What's a better memory than photos of little ones dressed in pajamas sitting before the lighted Christmas tree? Some years the siblings wear matching pajamas. Such sweet recollections of adorable children make this tradition harder to give up.	Take "Christmas" photos when adolescents are "dressed up" for a school event, like a winter formal, music or dance performance. Snap photos in front of the tree with their friends. They'll enjoy creating different poses and groupings. Let them use your camera.
Christmas Services or Mass	Many churches offer Christmas Eve or Christmas Day services or masses at various times that work well for families with young children. As children get older, perhaps an evening service may work. If your church doesn't offer a service, locate one near you that does. Christmas services are usually advertised in the local newspaper or check online.	Many adolescents are weary of attending the same "old" Christmas service. Invite them to choose this year's Christmas service for your family. Maybe they know a friend who's in a Christmas program in another church. Perhaps they'd prefer attending midnight mass or a late service. If there are young children who can't stay up late, allow your adolescent to attend with friends' families. Mom and Dad, you can stay up extra late tonight!

Change is difficult especially when connected to emotionally-laden long-standing traditions. Begin making changes slowly as your children enter early adolescence and adolescence. Share this article with them. Ask them to choose one or two traditions. Maybe these thoughts will generate ideas for adapting your specific celebrations. Oh, and by the way, I decided to keep the Christmas stockings on the list as MY tradition. Undelete.

Seriously, the Phone Book?

Seriously, the Phone Book?

by Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

                "Seriously Mom. You're going to use the phone book?" While contemplating the Yellow Pages' value, my daughter types in Papa Murphy's, our zip code, and locates a coupon...all on line. In seconds, she's ordering our garlic chicken pizza and cookie. I'm still wondering where I left my phone.

                "My six-week-old granddaughter is going to grow up without knowing about phone books," I mutter.

                "When she's older, she can use it as a booster seat," my daughter jokes, trying to make me feel better. 

                I don't feel any better. How different will my grandchildren's lives be from mine? How different than their parents' lives? My two-year-old granddaughter has a "game" on her Grams' phone, a recent Child Development Professor. "How did I allow that? That's not developmentally appropriate," I chastise myself.

                Yesterday my four-year old grandson inquired, "Grams, where's the video?" as I strap him in the car seat.

                "Gram's car doesn't have one. We can visit," I proudly reply.

                Moment's later my daughter directs me to Kylie Ann's one month photos. "Just use the mouse and click on each photo," she explains.

                "It won't work on the glass."

                "Just use the phone book," she chuckles. "Now there's a use for your phone book."

                For a minute, I feel a little better. My phone book is still useful!

                "But not for much longer," I ponder. "My grandchildren won't even know that phone books existed. What a different world they'll live in; probably just as different as my childhood was from my great grandparents' childhood. They didn't know what telephone phone books were either.”

© 2012

Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. is a Child Development & Education Specialist with extensive years teaching early childhood education and child development at the high school and community college levels. She is also an author & popular speaker on numerous parenting and adolescent topics. To schedule Marian for your next event or class series, contact her at 209.596.4111 or drfritzemeier@gmail.com.  

Choices: Fast Food or Leftovers?

Choices: Fast Food or Leftovers?

by Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

While reading the latest magazine and waiting for an x-ray at the busy clinic, an eight-year-old girl with dark eyes and a curly brown ponytail catches my attention. Anything is more interesting than a magazine a few years old that no one has bothered to steal yet. The girl whispers a secret in her friend's ear; they both giggle. Anticipating an afternoon playing together, the mother casually inquires, "What do you want for lunch?" Their faces beam as they simultaneously declare, "McDonald's!"

Of course they want McDonald's. What kid doesn't?

"Well, we're going to have leftovers from last night," the mother casually comments.

The girls' smiles fade.

Leftovers, I ponder. Who wants leftovers when you think you're going to get McDonald's? My joy observing the girls dwindles. Another parent giving children a choice while she never intends to let them choose. It won't be the last time I witness this dilemma. In my last column, At What Age? the key question was, how are you intentionally allowing your child to make increasingly more choices and God honoring decisions as he or she launches into adulthood? Today we'll explore giving children choices, benefits of choices, and building basic decision making skills.

Learning to make choices actually begins in toddlerhood. Parents and caregivers can give simple, either-or choices to children. "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the green shirt?" "Would you like yogurt or applesauce for snack?" Even toddlers can point to what they want. "Choices offered to young children must be legitimate and meaningful to them and acceptable to adults," explains Dr. Sue Grossman in Early Childhood News. ¹ Don't give a choice if you don't intend to follow through. The mother in the waiting room could have stated, "We have leftover casserole and macaroni salad for lunch today. Would you girls like to eat lunch outside on a picnic blanket or in the kitchen after our appointment?"

In preschool, children can begin choosing from more than two options. My four-year-old grandson loves grocery shopping with Grams. Besides organizing the shelves, he proudly selects juice from a number of varieties or yogurt flavors. "Limiting the quantity of choices is actually helping your child be successful in the decision-making process," notes Dr. Alexandra Delis-Abrams, author of Children, Choices, and Consequences. ²

In an effort to increase children's choices, sometimes parents give children more choices than they're developmentally ready for or are beyond their cognitive abilities. For example, "Do you want to go to bed now?" will most assuredly be answered, "No." Where do you want to go on vacation may be answered, "Disneyland!" while you're planning on a camping budget. Children do not get to make every choice, however, within many parent-made decisions, children can still contribute to choices. "Next week we're going on a family campout. Do you want to go fishing, boating, hiking or swimming on Saturday?" "Do you want me to read you a story or would you like to read for ten minutes on your own before the lights go out?" Our daughters became so accustomed to making choices, that sometimes our response was, "This is not, Let's Make a Deal. This is a parent decision."

As children enter elementary school, helping them determine outcomes of choices becomes imperative. "I want to play soccer this year," our six-year-old daughter shares. "It looks like fun." But what does she really know about being on a soccer team? "Too many times a child is given the power to make the decision without the information first," notes the founder of ABC Feelings. ² Does my daughter understand that she must practice three times a week? Does she recognize that a coach will be teaching her how to play? What does she comprehend about teamwork, winning, and losing? Have we explained that if she chooses to play she's expected to complete the twelve-week season? Although this may sound overwhelming for children, this discussion develops reasoning skills and accepting personal responsibility for choices which will serve them well for a lifetime.

Helping school-age children determine possibilities before adolescence is invaluable and builds strong problem-solving foundations. Asking situational questions like, "What would you do if a stranger asked you to help him find his kitty?" to "What do you think about the decision Joey made on TV last night?" require critical thinking skills. Setting up situational scenarios and asking thought-provoking questions play a critical role in adolescence when the stakes are higher and the costs are greater.

Allowing children to make choices helps them developmentally in several ways. Children build autonomy, a fancy word for independence. Adults make so many decisions for children, that when children get to choose they possess a sense of control. They feel validated when parents and other adults send the message, "You are capable. What you say is important and matters." Training in problem solving empowers children for future decision-making. Children are more committed when they've made the choice for themselves.

Our daughter chose soccer year after year. She even played a few winter sessions in the mud and rain, her favorite way to play. When my husband and I see children in soccer uniforms on fall Saturday mornings, it brings back fond memories.... watching her valiantly defending the goal, her excitement when she wins, and forming strong friendships. Then we remember the year she chose not to play soccer. And that's another story.

© 2012

References:

1. Dr. Sue Grossman, Ph.D. Offering Children Choices: Encouraging Autonomy and Learning While Minimizing Conflict, Early Childhood News. www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychldhood/article_print.aspx. Accessed June 20, 2012.

2. Alexandra Delis-Abrams, Ph.D. Children, Choices, and Consequences. www.abcfeelings.com Accessed June 20, 2012.

Coming soon: Decision Making; Skills for Independent Living; and Responsibility and Privileges.

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. is a Education and Child Development Specialist for the Fritzemeier Foundation. She has extensive experience teaching early childhood education and child development at the high school and community college levels. She is also an author & popular speaker on numerous parenting and adolescent topics. To schedule Marian for your next event or class series, contact her at 209.596.4111, email her at drfritzemeier@gmail.com, or check out her webpage, www.fritzemeierfoundation.com

At What Age? By Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

At What Age?

by Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

At what age will you allow your children to DECIDE...

the condition of their bedroom?

the clothes they wear?

what television shows they view?

the music they listen to?

the movies they see?

the friends they choose?

how often they use their phone & texting?

what they do on their computer, IPod & other electronics?

when they do their homework?

the classes they take at school?

whether to attend church with you?

how they spend their money?

who they date & when?

where to work?

where they will live?

what career they'll choose?

                In the last article, Dependence to Independence, the analogy of your children being 100% dependent on you at birth and becoming 100% independent from you as they launch into young adulthood, is the foundation to these questions. Is your nine-year-old making 50% of his/her daily decisions? Is your 12 1/2 year-old making 75% of his/her decisions? Of course, this isn't an exact formula, but the key question is, How are you intentionally allowing your child to make increasingly more choices? I realize this concept is frightening, but it is even more frightening to launch a young person into today's secular world not possessing the life-skills, responsibility, and decision making abilities to make God honoring choices throughout adulthood. It's your privilege & responsibility to decide how you will train up your sons and daughters in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6).

© 2012

Coming soon: Decision Making & Choices; Skills for Independent Living; Responsibility and Privileges.

Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. is a Child Development & Education Specialist with extensive years teaching early childhood education and child development at the high school and community college levels. She is also an author & popular speaker on numerous parenting and adolescent topics. To schedule Marian for your next event or class series, contact her at 209.596.4111 or drfritzemeier@gmail.com. 

Got Gaps?

"I don't know....Gaps."  "Gaps, what are gaps?" "She's got gaps, I've got gaps, together we fill gaps".

In case you don't recognize it, those poignant words are spoken by a nobody, wanna-be, Philadelphia boxer by the name of Rocky Balboa, aka Sly Stallone.

He's responding to his future brother-in-law in regards to why he loves his sister, Adrian.

Amazing that such incredible words scripted for a movie, could be so full of life and such a beautiful picture of how Christ depicts the role of the individuals that comprise the body of Christ, namely the church.

I have my part to play, my gifts to exercise, but they will never be enough to accomplish God's intended purposes.  You see--I've got gaps.  You have your part to play, your gifts to exercise, but they will never be enough.  You've got gaps. But together, along with the rest of our sisters and brothers in the body, we can fill the gaps of one another. Together we can accomplish great things for the Kingdom.

Interestingly enough, as the Chief Development Officer for Youth for Christ Central Valley, the same scenario plays out with our partners/donors, volunteers and Board members.  Our staff team has some incredible talent, gifting, and skill, but we've still got gaps.

On our very best of days, we will need 100's of volunteers to accomplish even more hours of relationship time, mentoring, loving on, chauffeuring, and chaperoning, the 1,000's of kids we work with.  In fact if they don't fill this gap, our ministry effort is easily cut by more than 75%.

Board members fill gaps by way of governance, accountability, advocacy to the church and business community.  Without the $ and people resources they bring to bear, our team is like a well tuned and very fast race car, with NO FUEL.  Or even worse, add the fuel, but with no one on the sidelines providing a road map and a 10,000 foot perspective for the driver of the car (that would be me).

Partners.  Remember the empty gas tank from above, well, now take off the tires, remove the oil and water and just see how quickly your car can get around the track.  But when partners step up and fill the gaps, you don't just put gas back in the tank, you put high octane gas into your Bugatti Veyron.  You don't just throw on American Tire company tires, you bring Michelin PAX tires to the game.

It's certainly not rocket science.  It most definitely is not new news for any of us, so why does it seem like ministry and kingdom efforts have so many gaps?

Question: Who are the people that you need to fill your gaps?

Question: Are you actively, consciously playing your part, using your gifts, talents and abilities to fill the gaps of others?

By Rick Fritzemeier

Executive Director of Youth for Christ Central Valley

Note from a Mentor

By Katrina Morris, with Next Step Mentoring at Youth for Christ Central Valley     

I am blessed beyond measure to be working with Youth for Christ as a mentor for the last three years. Working with teenagers from diverse backgrounds has enhanced my knowledge and experience, broadening my own personal growth. Mentoring small groups of girls has allowed me to watch, first-hand, their development, growth, and recognition of personal God-given gifts and talents. This is very exciting for me as I am a part of their journey in life. Leading character development groups has given me an opportunity to engage the students in discussions regarding elements outside his or her normal thinking, promoting individual responsibility. Every meeting, small group or individual, has been an opportunity to assist the students in discovering, developing, and maximizing his or her God-given potential. I am blessed to be a part of the process in any young person’s life, even if it is only to plant seed of God’s love and to encourage them.

 Story

Freshman year, about two months into the year, one of the girls brought a friend to a group and said, “can she stay I’m her ride” I said yes of course. Therefore, this young lady sat on the table in the corner on her phone listening to music pretending to do homework the first week. The second week she showed up again with same story, (her friend was her ride) again, I said she could stay. Sitting in the same place at the table, but this time, she began to engage periodically in our conversation. When I asked her if she would like to join us she replied, “No I’m ok”. The third week--same story again, I mentioned she might think about joining mentoring since she was in here anyway, she just kind of shrugged and said, “Maybe”. We began an activity, I invited her to join us, and she joined in. The next week, I said, “Okay missy you have been in here four weeks hanging out kind of engaging in what we are doing why don’t you just join mentoring?” (laughing and nodding her head)She took home a permission slip and joined. YEAH! She was faithful all year. However, the story does not end there.

Sophomore year was tough. She started strong but then started to hit and miss; it felt like she was pulling away. Her grades were dropping, she had a new boyfriend, she was not coming, not talking, and did not know what all was going on with her. I was concerned. Through some perseverance, we stayed in contact through phone, face book, and friends and by the end of the year it was good again. She had some challenges in school and personally but pulled through.

Junior year has been awesome. At the beginning of the year at a Point Break (one day workshop to promote anti-bullying and acceptance of others on campus) she was a student group leader. At the end of the point break, everyone was writing encouragement on the papers tape to each other’s backs, she wrote on mine. She wrote, “Thank you for never giving up on me when everyone else did”. WOW! My heart dropped to my feet, it made everything worth it. I was so proud of her. She is working so hard to keep her grades up and do well in school. She is diligently looking for work, even persistently pushed me to take her to Project YES to sign up early for next year. She has applied goals and set priorities to her life. It is awesome to see the growth and development in this young lady who just happened in my group three years ago, I’m so proud of her!